dreamer-doll-recovery:

lenafuckingstew:

godsperfectasshole:

rainbowballz:

Two years ago today, my friend, Nicole Mahnke, took her life. She was eighteen years old. 

Nikki was such a beautiful person. She loved everyone and had such a big heart. People trusted her. It was because of her, being an out lesbian, that I realized I didn’t have to live my life in the closet. She gave me the courage to be proud. The best hugs came from her, the best conversations - late nights eating cheesy potatoes and watching shitty cable are some of the best memories I have of her. I remember the first time I went to the mall with her and her girlfriend at the time, watching them hold hands and kiss in front of all of these wide-eyed strangers and it was beautiful, the fearlessness she had. She wasn’t afraid of anyone, she was only afraid of herself.

Nikki could never grasp the kind of ripples she would leave behind her when she died. Two years later and it still hurts just as much as it did the day I found out, my phone trembling in my hand as I tried to keep myself together. I don’t think she really understood the concept of never waking up, of never being here, of watching the world go on without her. She was capable of amazing things and now, so many people are going to be deprived of meeting her, knowing her, and loving her, the way her family and friends did. The way I did. The way we still do.

Nikki thought she was alone - she wasn’t, and neither are you. If you’re contemplating suicide, remember just how many people care about you and dare to trust them. If Nikki had called anyone - me, her parents, her other friends - she might still be here. Don’t make such a permanent decision to any temporary problem. Life is worth living, with all the bad things you have to endure. You are worthwhile. You are beautiful. You deserve to live.

Please, please, contact one of these hotlines if you ever feel like things are getting out control. For the sake of those around you, but mostly, for you. Please.

• 1-800-SUICIDE
• 1-866-4-U-TREVOR
• 1-800-273-TALK

Anyway, so sorry Amber. She was beautiful. <3

There was an arsehole comment at the end of this post, i removed it because it doesn’t need to be seen.

please call if you ever feel like suicide is the answer, even self harm. just pick up the phone and call, you’ll never be alone.

(via dyke-recovery)